I stepped on stage in a teeny weeny bikini, a tan, and 4 inch heels.
I honestly loved it. I loved the rush of showing off all the hard work and discipline the last 12+weeks had produced. I loved the challenge of changing my body– It was just as much of a mental game as it was a physical. There was so much about that sport that I loved.
It wasn’t until I took a step back and saw just what it cost me to get up on that stage and to prep for the next shows.
I was a full time student in 2012 with 2 kids under the age of 5. I was still breast feeding, training 2 hours/ day 6 days week, counting every morsel of food I put in my mouth like it was my job. I was happy. Or at the very least thought I should be. I did have my ‘dream body’ after all.
What I didn’t realize during competition prep was how much my choices were impacting my kids and my marriage.
During prep, my 3 year old would parade around the house in my heels and a teeny bikini, cute right?! Right up until she started turning down all of her favorite foods so that she could eat steak and rice like mama. That was the last straw.
I felt convicted. I knew that I had let this get out of hand. At the time though, I didn’t see the full effect of what I was doing to my body, my mind, or my family. I thought I was being healthy–
I looked the part, and treated my body like a temple.
But I was emotionally, mentally, and spiritually sick. And I didn’t want to pass that on to Kenadie or KB for that matter.
I didn’t want them growing up thinking there was only ONE right way to have a body. And that anything outside of that was wrong or broken.
I knew I was done with competing. And while it might have felt sad for a moment giving up that thing for myself, I was relieved. –
Disordered eating comes in many packages, the least of which looks like a healthy lifestyle.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done? Stepping on stage in a bikini and heels tops the list for me…join the conversation below.
Cheers to all the ladies out there just trying to create food freedom, find joy in movement, and make peace with their bodies long before they reach their goals. I’m here for you!
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