I fell for the lies.
I used to think if I was in better shape I’d somehow be a better version of myself as a wife, mom, coach, or whatever other role I had in my life at the time. For me though, better shape had everything to do with how I looked. Not necessarily how I felt about my body, or how healthy I was mentally, emotionally, relationally. Being in the best shape almost cost me my marriage.
And while on some level being in better shape did make me a better version of myself, it also made me a worse version of myself.
A crazy thing started to happen, and it was so subtle I didn’t notice it until it was almost too late or really even until after the fact.
The more ‘fit’ I became, the more selfish I had become.
I was obsessed with myself, with my body, with the food I ate. To the point that my marriage was crumbling.
There were times I thought about leaving my life, and my family behind. Starting over in this new, amazing body I had invested so much time and energy into building.
You see, I think we are sold this idea that if we were in better shape the whole world would open up for us, and our problems would melt away…kinda like the fat on our thighs.
The reality is, if you’re just doing the work on the outside (and not also on the inside), you will have new problems.
I was afraid of letting myself go, giving up my fitness obsession. Or my thoughts about having a certain body.
My identity had become so wrapped up in my body.
While my fitness journey may have started out as a healthy endeavor to get in shape to be a healthier version of me.
It was fueled by negative emotions from the get go.
You see, I didn’t start out feeling ok or at peace with my body. I wasn’t grateful for what it had survived to that point.
I was at odds with my body, and blamed my weight for my problems.
With anything there is a point of diminishing returns. Meaning more isn’t always better. Just like doing nothing is not better either.
I think there is always the temptation to teeter between two extremes. This is dangerous because you’ll always either feel like you’re totally out of control or fall into the false sense of control that being too much of anything provides.
I fell prey to the lie that our relationship would be better if I was in better shape. That I needed to change my body in some massive way to be a better wife.
What actually needed to happen was I needed to become a better wife by focusing a little less on myself and more on loving my husband regardless of what my body looked like.
He didn’t care if I was a size 0 or a size 10.
Here’s an outline of how I backed off of my fitness obsession little by little.
I didn’t realize just how much time and energy was spent on worrying about food, what I was eating, my weight, or what I looked like until after I left diet culture behind.
Thinking less about my body has opened up so much more time for me to think about my husband, yes, but also so many other things.
The most ironic thing is I am to this day, as confident as I was at my smallest, if not even more.
Whether you’re trying to lose weight because you think it’s what you need to do to be more worthy of love from your partner or you’ve lost the weight, and now you’re frantically trying to keep it off, there is a better way.
And I want to show you how to get there. The Mindful Eating Project is opening soon. Fill out the form below to get more info, and just for doing so, I’ll send you a FREE gift that will help you get more of your time back. Who doesn’t want that?!
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