One mistake every woman needs to stop making

One mistake every woman needs to stop making

You don’t need permission to be yourself, but so often that is how it might feel like you’re living your life. Waiting for the signs and the sense that you are somehow doing it ‘right’. You look for those signs in affirmations from others. In the praise you get for a job well done. Or in how much you’re the envy of your friends.
 
Often times though, that praise is short lived. Being the envy of others isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, and waiting for others to affirm you can be flat out disheartening when the affirmations don’t come
 
If you’re chasing those things, you are likely doing things you don’t want to be doing, to impress people you don’t care about impressing. Being someone you know you’re not meant to be.
 
Have you ever stopped to wonder if there was something wrong with you because you didn’t want to do it the way it’s always been done? I used to think there was something wrong with me. Well, ok, I have thought that more than I would ever like to admit and on many more occasions than one.
 

 I used to think I was broken as a mom because..

 
I didn’t want to homeschool.
 
I didn’t want to be a stay at home mom.
 
I didn’t want to do all the Pinterest crafts or be the room mom, head of the PTA, or anything else like that.
 
Full disclaimer, if that is you, I’m glad. And I am sure you are rocking it. That was never my jam no matter how hard I tried.
 
And I used to feel so guilty. So bad about myself as a mom because I was comparing myself to other moms who were doing those things and seemed   happy. Not to mention those were subtle messages I received growing up.
 
I wanted to  have it both ways–I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. Have my own thing and be a stellar mom. But for some reason, I thought it was either or. Not ever both and.. 
 
You’ve felt that tension too. Not in the exact same way as me I’m sure, but it’s there. Subtly holding you back.
 
Living with the belief that being a good mom meant I had to give up the desire to have something of my own outside of motherhood broke my heart and stressed me out
 

I was afraid I’d never measure up to what was expected of me

As long as I had my own thing going outside of motherhood and being a wife, and it seemed like if I wanted to be successful in work, I’d have to sacrifice my family and my marriage.
 
It felt like I was trying to cram myself into some other woman’s mold for her life. It never fit quite right, ya know?!
 
I wondered what the other moms thought of me for being career oriented and ambitious.
 
The problem with trying to hide bits of who you are or trying to manipulate them to be what you think  they should be instead of who you really are is that you will never truly be happy or fulfilled. That, my friend  will bleed into all the other areas of your life. 
 
There will always be a hole, something missing.
 
You, like me, will feel like you’re simply going through the motions. Like you’re living someone else’s life swallowing the discontentment and unrest you feel deep in your gut
 
But it won’t ever feel quite right. It won’t ever feel like you’re actually being true to the truest version of yourself…the one you were created to be. 
 

There is more than just one right way for you to be a good ___________

 
It never really occurred to me that so much of what I thought made me a good mom, was conditioned..from society, from my own family, from other well-meaning people..but that none (or very little) was actually true.
In fact, your very reality right now isn’t real at all. It’s a version of reality that you’ve created through experiences, beliefs, and messaging that you’ve been taught your whole life.
 
Talk about mind blowing. 
 
Has #momguilt ever gotten the best of you? Is shame about who you believe you are in your gut an old friend?
 
Have you ever considered where those feelings or thoughts were coming from?
 
If you’ve just sort of been going through the motions, and never really feeling like it’s a fit, it might be time to take a break from the race you’ve been running and examine what truly makes you tick

Does that spark joy? -Marie Kondo

 
What brings you joy?
 
What feels like it is missing from your life right now? 
 
Where do the thoughts and feelings of guilt or shame come from for you?
 
Mindfulness is such an underutilized skill, yet holds so many answers we are searching for.
 
By taking a step back, and asking yourself some simple, yet thought provoking questions, you will truly gain insight into how you’re wired. This is one of the best gifts I believe you can give yourself. 
 
After you’ve gotten some answers, you must be willing to take the next, little, and super scary step. Step out of the mold you’ve been trying to make yourself ‘fit’, and into the bold, audacious, and ambitious woman you were always meant to be.
 
Nasty thoughts of comparison will creep in as you begin to forge your own way, so guard your mind.
 
I used to wonder all the time (and still do on occasion) whether I was going to ruin my kids if I didn’t do everything by the book? If instead of doing it the way it’s always been done, I created a new path.
 
I doubted myself a lot. In fact, I still do. But you know what? 
 
Living in a more aligned, authentic, and intuitive way has only ever increased the joy, happiness, and contentment in my life. It will do the same for you too.
 
Why? Because even if you’re  not doing it right, there is no one else to compare it to, because you’re following your own path. You’re running your own race, and in that, there can ever only be one winner. You.
 
When you’re the one writing the rules and setting the standards for what your life should like and not society. Not your mom (as well intended as she might be) or your ‘friends’ on social media, you become the most powerful version of yourself.
 
Tune out the noise, the guilt, the shame, and tune into the unique and beautiful purpose God has for your life. 
3 Habits to develop this year, and why you need to

3 Habits to develop this year, and why you need to

 

Happy New Year! I realize at the time I am writing this, we are actually already one FULL week into January. Some of you may be happily humming along with your plan working on your goals. Others may be wishing upon a star that this year will finally be different.

Yet others of you may be feeling more like me at the moment…a little behind where you’d like to be. Even as I write that, I realize how ridiculous it sounds to be feeling behind when we are only one week into a year that has 51 more to go.

In the spirit of keeping this short, sweet, and simple, I wanted to share three things you can start doing today to radically change the trajectory of your year. And bonus, because it’s only three things and they are pretty quick to execute, you will feel like a total rockstar.

3 Habits to develop this year

Go to bed earlier-

Yes. It really is that simple. Whatever your typical bedtime is, shave off a few minutes and get yourself into bed a bit earlier.

Some perks to this:

You won’t be quite as tempted to dive into the cupboards for some late night snacking.

The amount of time you spend scrolling social media looking at how awesome everyone else’s life is while comparing your own will go way down (as long as you put your phone up before bed). 

You will be primed and ready for the next one…

Wake up earlier and start your day with intention-

I’m sorry, but this is a no brainer if you have kids. I used to be notorious for sleeping in until my kids came running in to wake me up or until I heard the baby cry.

This totally put me in a funk, and I felt like I was already behind. It didn’t make for good mornings for any of us.

So even if it is just 15-20 minutes, set your alarm across the room. And get yourself up.

You can sip a cup of hot coffee, enjoy the quiet, get in some journaling time to declutter your mind, or just drink that hot coffee thinking about how you want to show up today in your world.

Doing what you can with what you’ve got-

This one is simple, but not always easy. In fact, that could be said for the above too. 

Take a quick inventory of your life in this season. Do you really have time, energy, or the capacity to hit the gym for over an hour a day, pick the kids up, make dinner, help with homework, and volunteer on all those boards?

If you can’t do what’s on your to-do list without feeling totally wiped out by the end of the day, I want to invite you to whittle your list a little.

Or modify. Maybe your workouts go from an hour a day to 20 minutes..still better than nothing. It might be time to let the kids ride the bus, or take yourself off the volunteer rotation.

The point is this, working with what you’ve got is so much better mentally, emotionally, and physically than trying to do too much with too little.

Whatever it is for you, do what you can with what you’ve got.

 

Your worth isn’t determined by how much you get done. And I promise you, the to-do list will still be there tomorrow 😉

xo,

Alisha

P.S. Ready to get serious about making changes this year? Schedule a free consult to see if coaching is the next step you need to be taking.

 

What to do when you feel stuck in your fitness journey

What to do when you feel stuck in your fitness journey

In January, I’ll be celebrating my 13th birthday–no, not my actual birthday, but the birth of my health journey. It’s so crazy to think I’ve been on this journey in some form for the last 13 years. I remember all the times I had tried to get into a healthy routine before it finally stuck.

Probably not unlike you, I would try to overhaul everything at once. Totally changing my diet, promising to go to the gym everyday, cutting out soda, all the treats…

 I remember feeling like no  matter what I tried or how hard I tried, I would never be able to make a healthy lifestyle stick. It always felt like short term progress. Two steps forward and three back.

I was exhausted from trying so many different things and always failing. 

I thought there was something wrong with me.

 It seemed like so many others had been able to figure out how to make their healthy lifestyle stick, so why couldn’t I?

 Besides feeling like a total failure because I wasn’t making progress on my health goals, I also was in the middle of  planning a wedding and working full time, so I didn’t really have that much time to devote to exercise. Plus, I didn’t even like going  to the gym because I had no clue what I was doing. 

At the time I was pretty lazy–meaning I wanted to do the very least to get the most bang for my buck. I tried all the quick fixes, three day detoxes, cookie diets {insert laughter}. I was desperate and didn’t want to change my life too much. Just wanted the weight loss, and the magic life it seemed to promise.

There was one year when things finally clicked. It was actually the year we were getting married. My hubby-to-be joined a New Year Fitness Challenge at work. While he was more interested in winning the prize at work for winning the challenge, I saw this as an opportunity to try one.more.time.

We started running.  If you would have told me 15 years ago that running would have been what got me started on my journey toward a healthier, more active lifestyle, I would have laughed in your face.

Turns out I needed a little challenge and a whole lot of accountability to get and  stay going.

I didn’t really have a goal at the time, other than lose weight and not to die.

We laced our shoes up, and set out to run one whole mile without stopping. 

But we didn’t start by trying to run the mile out on the first run. 

Instead it was run to the first light pole, walk to the next.

After that became easy, it was run to 2 light poles, then walk for one. And so on.

Slowly over time I was able to run more than I had to walk.

While I did eventually make it to my goal of running one whole mile straight, there were inevitably some bruises and bumps along the way. 

Not too far into this new running thing, I got a running injury. Turns out not just any shoe will do for running. Lesson learned 😉 

After getting some better gear, a little rest, and some insoles, I was ready to rock again.

Not only did I run my first mile without stopping (on purpose), I kept going. 

I started going further and further. 

I actually ended up enjoying running so much, that I entered some different local races to see if I could beat my previous time. This became something I did for myself. It felt good. I enjoyed working hard to beat my previous time. I was in competition with myself. And it felt really darn good.

After years of trying I finally make being active a part of my daily routine.

I went from never being able to stick with an exercise routine for longer than a few days to consistently getting some form of movement into most my days for the last 13 years.

I was no longer the girl who couldn’t keep her promises to herself, but I had become the woman who keeps her word to herself. 

Starting small (one light pole to the next) is what helped me develop the culture of winning and it is what will help you too. What is the one light pole you can get to today? Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

There is no need to try to change everything at once. Start small. Like stupid small. 

Think about the smallest improvement you could make today toward living the life you were created to live. Then do that over and over and over. 

Once that is habit, then you can start making some other small changes. You might even be surprised that other habits just start “clicking” along the way. 

They all stack up in the long run to either create massive wins. 

The beautiful thing about habits is once they have developed, you don’t have to really commit any more time or energy doing them as they have just become part of your normal routine.

I get it, time is limited in our fast paced lives these days. And for most of the women I talk to, it is one of the major reasons they have put themselves on the back burner in their lives. If that’s you, I have something for you…

Get access to my 3 Step guide that will help you get more of your time back without feeling like you’ve just added one more thing to your plate.

You deserve a little TLC too. Sign up below!

Embrace your lazy, use this technique to get in the best shape of your life

Embrace your lazy, use this technique to get in the best shape of your life

 

You’re probably going to die when you hear this, but there used to be a time in my life when I would work out 6 days a week for almost 2 hours a day. 

Sure, I was in the ‘best’ shape of my life, or at least I thought I was because I “looked” the part.

But working out was my life. I trained like it was my job. And I didn’t have much left in the tank for other things or people. I’m not sure what I was thinking back then. I was a full time student, with two kids under the age of 4, and my husband was in the military. 

I guess I’m someone who tends to operate on extremes.

I thought I had to workout like that in order to get the results I wanted.

 

I was afraid that if I let off the gas, I’d lose my results.

I was afraid I’d gain weight.

Most importantly, I was afraid I would go back to feeling bad about myself-because I thought looking a certain way gave me my confidence.

There’s a better way though..and it doesn’t involve the all or nothing approach that seems so popular in today’s culture.

I couldn’t keep going the way I was.

My body might have looked like it was doing great, but I was nursing injuries from over training.

Mentally I was always thinking about calories, food, exercise, my body. Between raising a family, being a full time student, and all the thinking about those things..

I was exhausted.

While my mindset around exercise, my body, food, and all of that has been changing slowly over the past year or two.

This minimum dosage concept has been something that has come on more recently. 

Between balancing family and building my business, I just knew I couldn’t make time for hours of exercise like I had in the past. And truthfully, I didn’t want to.

After I figured out in my schedule when I could work out and for how long, I figured out what I could do in the time I had. 

Since keeping muscle mass is important to me (for strength and aging reasons) I knew I wanted to keep a couple of days for lifting.

But I also wanted to be sure I was incorporating some sort of cardio or conditioning as well for heart health, and because I like it.

Instead of doing several longer workouts throughout the week, I started doing full body workouts 3 days a week. Then on the off days, I will either walk or go for a short jog. 

Well, as you know life doesn’t happen inside a vacuum. We can’t always predict what life will throw at us. But that doesn’t mean we have to throw our hands up and ditch out on our movement sessions.

For example, there are days when I don’t feel like doing my scheduled workout.

Maybe I didn’t sleep well the night before, so working out first thing in the am doesn’t sound all that appealing. I want to give myself (and you too) some grace for those days. It’ not all or nothing, and the ‘no excuses’ mentality around exercise is actually doing more harm than good. 

Sure, you have to show up consistently if you want to see changes and improvements. But sometimes showing up for yourself looks different than what you originally planned.

 The first few weeks of figuring out my new groove was a little rocky. Just like all new things tend to be..so give yourself some time to play around and practice.

The point is, be patient as you figure out what your minimum dosage looks like. Chances are it will look different from mine, and that is totally cool. In fact, it should. We live different lives. Have different abilities, and different goals. 

On any given day, especially when you’re not feeling it, take inspired action. For example, on the days I don’t sleep well, I may be more likely to opt for a walk and some yoga instead of something more intense. 

Learn how to read and listen to your body. I promise, it will make this whole experience so much more enjoyable.

Taking the minimum dosage approach to my training (and really every other area of life) has saved so much time and energy because I’m not forcing it.

I’m able to do the very minimum of what needs to be done to get the results I want. And you will too when you implement these strategies.

This frees up time to do other things that maybe you wouldn’t get done or would be rushed doing. Again helping you feel less stretched, and more energized.

On those days when life feels super crazy or time is crunched, instead of just not working out or eating in a way that honors your body, do what little you can with the time and energy you have. Again, it’s not an all or nothing thing. 

Using this Minimum Dosage Approach has given me so much time and energy back. And I know it will for you too.

Instead of being stressed out by trying to do too much in any one area, I’m able to get more of the right things done and have energy left over. How nice would that be?

Rather than just not working out because I don’t have time, I take what little time I do have and get it done. Whatever ‘it’ happens to look like that day. Pretty sweet, eh?

Most importantly, I’ve found my middle ground, which feels so much better than living in the extremes of all or nothing thinking. Imagine how much more peace you’ll experience in the middle ground 😉 

Do you always feel like you’re struggling to find your groove? Like there’s never enough time? I want to help.

If you’re having a hard time finding more time, I want to help you get your time back..

Seriously, what would you do with an extra 3 hours a week? Sign up below to get some of my best time getting strategies sent right to your inbox, plus be among the first to learn more about The Mindful Eating Project…doors opening soon!

 

Being in the best shape almost cost me my marriage

Being in the best shape almost cost me my marriage

I fell for the lies.

I used to think if I was in better shape I’d somehow be a better version of myself as a wife, mom, coach, or whatever other role I had in my life at the time. For me though, better shape had everything to do with how I looked. Not necessarily how I felt about my body, or how healthy I was mentally, emotionally, relationally. Being in the best shape almost cost me my marriage.  

And while on some level being in better shape did make me a better version of myself, it also made me a worse version of myself. 

A crazy thing started to happen, and it was so subtle I didn’t notice it until it was almost too late or really even until after the fact. 

The more ‘fit’ I became, the more selfish I had become. 

I was obsessed with myself, with my body, with the food I ate. To the point that my marriage was crumbling. 

There were times I thought about leaving my life, and my family behind. Starting over in this new, amazing body I had invested so much time and energy into building. 

You see, I think we are sold this idea that if we were in better shape the whole world would open up for us, and our problems would melt away…kinda like the fat on our thighs.

The reality is, if you’re just doing the work on the outside (and not also on the inside), you will have new problems. 

You can’t fix the outside, expecting it will heal the broken places on the inside. 

I was afraid of letting myself go, giving up my fitness obsession. Or my thoughts about having a certain body. 

My identity had become so wrapped up in my body. 

While my fitness journey may have started out as a healthy endeavor to get in shape to be a healthier version of me. 

It was fueled by negative emotions from the get go.

You see, I didn’t start out feeling ok or at peace with my body. I wasn’t grateful for what it had survived to that point. 

I was at odds with my body, and blamed my weight for my problems.

With anything there is a point of diminishing returns. Meaning more isn’t always better. Just like doing nothing is not better either. 

I think there is always the temptation to teeter between two extremes. This is dangerous because you’ll always either feel like you’re totally out of control or fall into the false sense of control that being too much of anything provides.

I fell prey to the lie that our relationship would be better if I was in better shape. That I needed to change my body in some massive way to be a better wife. 

What actually needed to happen was I needed to become a better wife by focusing a little less on myself and more on loving my husband regardless of what my body looked like. 

He didn’t care if I was a size 0 or a size 10. 

Here’s an outline of how I backed off of my fitness obsession little by little.

I didn’t realize just how much time and energy was spent on worrying about food, what I was eating, my weight, or what I looked like until after I left diet culture behind.

Thinking less about my body has opened up so much more time for me to think about my husband, yes, but also so many other things.  

The most ironic thing is I am to this day, as confident as I was at my smallest, if not even more. 

Whether you’re trying to lose weight because you think it’s what you need to do to be more worthy of love from your partner or you’ve lost the weight, and now you’re frantically trying to keep it off, there is a better way.

And I want to show you how to get there. The Mindful Eating Project is opening soon. Fill out the form below to get more info, and just for doing so, I’ll send you a FREE gift that will help you get more of your time back. Who doesn’t want that?!

This is the worst advice you could follow for healthy weight loss

This is the worst advice you could follow for healthy weight loss

It might be time for some tough lovin’. What if you found out most of the advice out there on healthy weight loss was bogus?

Here’s the deal, most people think you have to follow rules around food to lose weight, but that might be the worst advice, and could actually be the biggest myth in the industry. In fact, did you know that 95% of diets fail within 2 years? Meaning that any and all weight (usually plus some) comes back. 

What about the other 5%? Those people usually end up being diagnosed with an eating disorder.

But I get it. Everyone says that you have to follow rules in order to reach a healthy weight, so it’s easy to believe. 

  If it were true that food rules resulted in weight loss, then everyone who followed food rules would be at a healthy weight wouldn’t they? And we all know that’s not the case. Just look at the statistics on weight, chronic disease, and the health of our nation. 

We have tons of information, and new diets are out every year. But the current model of food restriction and food rules isn’t working.

In fact, if you keep holding this belief you could actually be causing yourself to gain more weight in the long run.

 If you want to know how you can actually get to, and maintain a healthy weight then click here to watch a video that outlines a simple strategy you can start implementing today.

I’ll let you know, it has nothing to do with cutting out food groups, monitoring your intake, or creating other rules around food ie when you should eat, what you should eat, etc.

I guess you have to ask yourself do you really want to keep  following food rules that aren’t even helping you find or maintain your body’s healthy weight and possibly even causing yourself to gain more weight?

Or do you want to finally be in control around food, and find your body’s natural and healthy weight? That is, might I add, much easier to maintain. 

The doors to The Mindful Eating Project are opening soon, if you would like to get some more information, click here to fill out a simple form, and just for doing so, I’ll send you a FREE gift.

Be sure to check back later this week, as we dive deeper into Mindful Eating and how to shift your mindset so that you can make 2020 your best year yet 😉