Hey sister, ever have that nagging, gnawing feeling inside that you’re not good enough?
That no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough. No matter how well you track your food, how hard you workout, or how perfect you try to be, it’s just not enough.
You’re disciplined, almost to a fault. You find your worth in what you look like and in your achievements. On the outside, it probably looks like you have it all together, but inside you feel anxious, insecure, and like there is more to your life than what you look like.
Overcoming perfectionism inside an imperfect body is hard work, and it takes a massive mindset shift in how we look at the bodies we have and what their ultimate purpose actually is. You and I were created to be more than a lean, fit, healthy, or strong body. We were created with a unique and special purpose for our lives. However, we can’t reach that potential fully, as long as we are obsessing over food, our weight, or what we look like.
I’ve been right where you are. I know the anxiety and the fear that comes with accomplishing and maintaining the perfect body. And I’m here to tell you, no matter what your body looks like, it will never be good enough if you’re trying to find your value and your worth in your outer appearance.
In today’s show, I share how I overcame the perfectionism that almost ruined my marriage and my family. We also talk about how you can heal from perfectionism to find the every day simple joy that comes with learning how to live in and love the body you’re in today.
If you are struggling with your body image, today’s show is a must listen. And if you’re ready to take the next step to breaking up with the never ending diet cycle, I’m here for you.
Simply fill out an application to see if you’re ready for coaching, I cannot wait to work with you!
Let’s be friends, you can find me hanging out…
PC: Sokol Laliçi
I fell for the lies.
I used to think if I was in better shape I’d somehow be a better version of myself as a wife, mom, coach, or whatever other role I had in my life at the time. For me though, better shape had everything to do with how I looked. Not necessarily how I felt about my body, or how healthy I was mentally, emotionally, relationally. Being in the best shape almost cost me my marriage.
And while on some level being in better shape did make me a better version of myself, it also made me a worse version of myself.
A crazy thing started to happen, and it was so subtle I didn’t notice it until it was almost too late or really even until after the fact.
The more ‘fit’ I became, the more selfish I had become.
I was obsessed with myself, with my body, with the food I ate. To the point that my marriage was crumbling.
There were times I thought about leaving my life, and my family behind. Starting over in this new, amazing body I had invested so much time and energy into building.
You see, I think we are sold this idea that if we were in better shape the whole world would open up for us, and our problems would melt away…kinda like the fat on our thighs.
The reality is, if you’re just doing the work on the outside (and not also on the inside), you will have new problems.
You can’t fix the outside, expecting it will heal the broken places on the inside.
I was afraid of letting myself go, giving up my fitness obsession. Or my thoughts about having a certain body.
My identity had become so wrapped up in my body.
While my fitness journey may have started out as a healthy endeavor to get in shape to be a healthier version of me.
It was fueled by negative emotions from the get go.
You see, I didn’t start out feeling ok or at peace with my body. I wasn’t grateful for what it had survived to that point.
I was at odds with my body, and blamed my weight for my problems.
With anything there is a point of diminishing returns. Meaning more isn’t always better. Just like doing nothing is not better either.
I think there is always the temptation to teeter between two extremes. This is dangerous because you’ll always either feel like you’re totally out of control or fall into the false sense of control that being too much of anything provides.
I fell prey to the lie that our relationship would be better if I was in better shape. That I needed to change my body in some massive way to be a better wife.
What actually needed to happen was I needed to become a better wife by focusing a little less on myself and more on loving my husband regardless of what my body looked like.
He didn’t care if I was a size 0 or a size 10.
Here’s an outline of how I backed off of my fitness obsession little by little.
I didn’t realize just how much time and energy was spent on worrying about food, what I was eating, my weight, or what I looked like until after I left diet culture behind.
Thinking less about my body has opened up so much more time for me to think about my husband, yes, but also so many other things.
The most ironic thing is I am to this day, as confident as I was at my smallest, if not even more.
Whether you’re trying to lose weight because you think it’s what you need to do to be more worthy of love from your partner or you’ve lost the weight, and now you’re frantically trying to keep it off, there is a better way.
And I want to show you how to get there. The Mindful Eating Project is opening soon. Fill out the form below to get more info, and just for doing so, I’ll send you a FREE gift that will help you get more of your time back. Who doesn’t want that?!
Too late for a #throwback?
I was 26 and probably about 15 pounds lighter in the picture on the left.
I was also exhausted from being a mom of two young kids and felt drained all the time.
I was trying so hard to be the perfect mom and wife and was honestly miserable in so many ways.
I was putting everyone first and chasing the wrong things.
I would make the excuse that I didn’t have time to take care of what mattered, because I had let busy take over, and tried to keep up certain appearances.
This is the side of motherhood that is rarely, if ever talked about because motherhood is supposed to be one of the best times of our lives as women.. my heart is racing even as I type my feelings so openly. There were days I thought about running away and leaving them all behind.
Looking back, maybe I was suffering from a little #postpartumdepression, bit more than that I think I was suffering from putting so much pressure on doing it ‘right’.
Fast forward 7 years.
I see life and vibrancy and passion in her eyes.
I see a woman who has completely embraced motherhood in all of its messiness and a wife that has endured a great deal of heartache over the last 11 years. But she is filled with joy. She is content. And she is confidently laughing at whatever the future may hold.
If you’re still reading this, I hope you know you’re not alone. Motherhood is messy. Being a wife takes a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice.
I’ve heard you can’t have it all…I’m starting to think that’s a lie. If you ever feel alone, know that you are not. My inbox is always open
Gratitude changes everything…
Have you noticed that the practice of giving thanks is every where right now? And for good reason. Taking inventory of what is good in our lives can give us hope and can encourage us to carry on even when we are weary and feel like we are stuck in a hopeless situation.
The Bible talks so much about giving thanks and counting your blessings. There is a reason for that. It points out that even in the most desperate situations there are specks of hope, light, and good. And that God, in His faithfulness will work all things for the good of those that love him and are called according to his purpose -Romans 8:28
That means that even when you can’t see how He is working, you can trust that He still is. And giving thanks is one way to keep your mind steadfast and free from the distraction of what may not be working so well in the moment.
How can you cultivate an attitude of gratitude or a state of being grateful regardless of your circumstances?
Start a gratitude journal. Head to Target or TJ Maxx or any other cute shop that sells journals and pick one that elicits a feeling of gratitude. Then start by journaling at least 3 things you are thankful for each and every day. It could be something simple like having a hot cup of coffee by yourself in the morning, or perhaps something bigger has happened that is worth noting. By journaling, you will be able to look back and see how God has always provided, and you can use it in times of trial to spur you on in your race.
…be determined and confident! Do not be afraid or discouraged..
The other day I woke up, clicked my Bible app open and this was the verse that was there waiting for me. It was just what I needed that day as I was battling some pretty toxic anxiety and fear that has in the past kept me from taking action.
It is crazy to me how each and every day, there is always just what my heart needs waiting for me in my bible.
“Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the LORD your God, am with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 GNT
No matter what you face today, remember you have been commanded to be determined and confident. You are never alone, and everything you need to face the day is ready and waiting for you.
I hope this encouraged your and strengthened your heart today, my friend…
Raise your hand if you’ve ever said yes to something and almost immediately regretted it..yep, me too. I am not exactly sure why it is that we do that to ourselves, but it was one of my intentions coming into 2018 to save my yeses for only the best things to come my way. That may sound incredibly selfish, and believe me it wasn’t an easy decision to make, but I knew it is what I needed. I found myself saying yes to so many amazing opportunities out of guilt or obligation.
I’ve done some soul searching and a whole lot of reflection over the past year and I realized that I was simply trying to be too much to too many people. Handing out my yeses to anyone that asked was really depriving the people and the callings in my life that really need me…including myself. In the past I’ve casually given my yeses away because I felt guilty or because there seemed to be a genuine need. And by no means am I suggesting that we only ever do the things we want, but I am suggesting that we need to be more thoughtful and intentional with our yeses.
If you find yourself constantly on the run, burned out, and exhausted from honoring everyone else’s agenda then read on..
So how do we get off the hamster wheel?
One of the first things I did was identify my core values. Who were the people I was committed to showing up for? What causes and organizations do I feel led to serve? What were my existing obligations? What am I about?
Your best yeses or your sacred yeses will align with your values and ultimately what is most important to you not just what is important to the world around you. Sometimes the two will line up and sometimes they won’t. It is ultimately up to you to discern for yourself what that is. By having your values clearly outlined you will be able to decide what you really should be spending your time on and what you can pass on.
I know how hard it is to say no, especially when the cause or the need seems relevant, real, and is good. But if we crowd our schedules according to everyone else’s agenda, we don’t leave any time or space for Jesus to show up with his agenda for us. That is often what has led me to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
Once you get some clarity on your core values you will know when you should step up and when you should step aside and let someone else take it on. Asking questions always seems to reveal what is really going on in your heart.
Not sure if it is your best yes?
Here are some gut checks:
Does it align with yourvalues?
Does this align with your vision?
Do you have the time?
What will you have to say no to in order to make this a reality? **This one is especially a good question to ask yourself..because you can’t say yes to something without saying no to something else at the same time.
By creating the space and giving myself the permission to say no–even to ‘good’ things I am able to give more and to give better to the things that matter most and it frees me up to say yes to the things I was really called to do. I am able to show up in a bigger way and serve with more joy in my heart. We were created with certain gifts, dreams, and visions. And in order to step into those fully we will have to learn to turn down the things that tempt us or distract us from staying the course.